At the start of 2025, my motivation to continue through everyday struggles was “this year is going to be a year of change.” In my mind, this was a physical change. I am working to create a stronger body. In God’s plan, it meant a mental change. He has slowly been healing my heart this past year. Reflecting over the past year, not only do I feel different than I did 10 months ago, but I feel comfort looking into the future. In October, I joined a Bible study. This has been one of the greatest changes in 2025. 

Initially my plan was to discuss my hopes for joining a Bible study as well as why I had delayed going for the past year despite an invite from Jo. However, one particular Bible study evening led me to change my perspective from “I’ve gone through some difficult times” to “ God has a plan and will calm the waters.” It may sound cliche, but this mentality shift brings me hope and comfort. That’s why I want to discuss how Bible study has taught me that I have a lot to learn and I need to make room to let God take control of His plan for me. 

One of the most defining moments of last week’s Bible study was when we sang worship songs at the start of the evening. About six months ago. I was doom scrolling through Facebook shorts and a video clip of family and friends singing worship popped up. That video brought me comfort, but also a yearning feeling. I wanted to experience that as well. That comfort feeling came back when our group was singing to Jo’s husband’s amazing guitar skills. That wholesome moment still makes me smile today and I cannot wait for this part the next time. 

After singing, we continued on with the weekly Bible scripture. As someone who grew up in the faith and going to church, but never read the Bible, it’s a unique experience to grow and learn more about God’s plan for me. 

When it was time for prayer, I had a difficult topic to bring up. Being new to the group and a person that always takes a minute to overcome my shyness, I knew this would be a big step for me. With a shaking voice, I asked for prayers.

Over the past year, there have been some difficult times. I’ve gone through difficult things in my life, but nothing compared to last year. I completely shut down last November and felt very alone. I didn’t go to any regular activities. I went to work, came home and waited until it was time for bed. The only outing was church on Sunday. The priest would discuss forgiveness and how one can’t run away from problems. Every week, I had to fight hard to keep from crying, but most of the time, silent tears would fall. When the year anniversary approached, I wanted to ask for prayers and comfort. 

After prayers, one of the group members pulled me aside and told me to read Mark 4:35-41. Jesus calmed the storm and I need to have full trust in him. I’ve read the passage a handful of times now and whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, I just pray to God that He is in control and I need His help to calm the waters. 

This is not the first time that I’ve done a Bible study. Back in 2020, I almost completed an 8-week study led by a high school friend. I quit attending two weeks before it was over because I was hurt and comparing my life to others. Today’s reflection made me realize that it was mostly my attitude that turned me away. The message delivery wasn’t the greatest, but I reacted in a “poor me” attitude rather than bringing up my concerns. For many weeks, we had learned about different individuals that went through a spiritual journey and transformed once they found God. The latest one we learned was an individual who had taken someone’s life and was serving a prison sentence. He had completely transformed his life and was now married with six children. He found redemption. At the same time, I received a document from my friend, which stated that I had sinned so badly that I deserved the pain I was going through. I was hurt after reading this document and found myself comparing my life to this individual who received forgiveness and was able to have a family.  I now understand that it was not a fair comparison. I’m incredibly happy to hear about the change of this individual. I should have discussed my feelings with the organizer rather than believing it was an attack. This one example proves how much more I need to learn about God and His plan for me. 

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

2 Corinthians 5:17

With calmness and grace,

Hannah