Uncharted Territory 

God, I can feel you calling me deeper. Into uncharted territory that I would never have considered venturing into previously. Now here I am considering that which I’ve told my husband no before. 

It doesn’t feel safe. Far out of my comfort zone. Yet, I feel you calling me forth, out of the boat (Matthew 14:22-33). 

Into the water. 

Into documenting our lives and journey. 

Into content creation. 

The Fear of Being Seen and Speaking Out

I’ve always been a quiet, awkward person. It’s much easier to hide behind the comfort of notes or a computer screen than to talk in front of people. Writing has always felt safe. Controlled.

Speaking to a camera does not. The fear of freezing and not being able to speak on the spot is paralyzing in itself. It forces me to face my insecurities. To make peace with them. To trust God with the process.

This was never something I pictured for myself but I couldn’t quite shake the idea.

The conversation kept coming up about creating videos as a growth strategy. Confirmation seemingly appearing through a number of prompts that stated, “stop consuming and start creating.”

Still a part of me was resisting.

Feeling Unqualified for What God Is Asking

I’m starting to get an idea of what Moses (Exodus 4:10-12) and Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:6-10) might have felt like. 

Out of place. 

Overwhelmed. 

Unqualified. 

The calling is different but feeling unqualified to speak resounds in my mind. The camera adds to the enormity of it all.  

This is not something I’ve ever pictured for myself. I’m feeling far from ready to take this step. Yet, here I am.

An opportunity for growth is projecting through all the doubt.

God didn’t wait for confidence.

He offered presence.

Faith, Obedience and Risk of Pride

And for all that, there are a number of relatable, normal people that are putting videos out there without doing too much editing. It’s raw and real but they are reaching people. They are growing in the process. With this, it is easy to think, “if they can do it, then I can too.”

To put a different perspective on this thought, it was said lately in one of our monthly church groups that thinking we can be successful at something that we see someone else having accomplished is pride. God might not have given us the same grace to handle all that we are observing in the other person’s life.

Was I approaching this humbly and with obedience or ambition disguised as faith?

But there’s only one way to find out if His grace covers us in this. To pray and then step out in faith. To try. 

If we are called, the road ahead may still be rocky, but there will be strength there. Peace will be within us confirming this is the right road. Doors will open. Grace will abound. 

If this isn’t the path He wants us to take, if He hasn’t gifted us in this way, or prepared us, the road will be that much rougher. We will be trying to trek the path alone. Frustrations and resistance will abound instead. 

Discernment Through Prayer and Confirmation

As we continued our back and forth discussions on the topic, we found more confirmation: 

• We took the idea away and prayed over it. Then a day later, I was feeling more emboldened to take the step, having lost some of the initial trepidation. 
• Ideas of what we could talk about and how this would look started to flow. 
• My husband felt led by the Holy Spirit to spend time showing me how to use his camera. I never asked him to. 
• Reminders came of how we both had this idea but in different forms years ago. Hannah and I attempted a start, each unknowingly of the other. The timing was not right. 

Now, something was feeling different about the idea.

At this point, despite the confirmation, I was still trying to process how I ended up here. At a place I thought I would never be. My husband, a rockstar in the making, had tried to convince me to be part of his videos in the past. I had been quick to say no then. Funny how these things come back. Now, I, in turn, am starting to see how God has also prepared me to be a helper (Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬-‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬) to my husband in his dreams, not just towards my own.

Maybe it’s my ADHD brain feeling the dopamine rush of something new and challenging. Maybe it’s seeing an unexpected way forth that God is leading me towards my dreams. But as each day goes by, I feel more compelled to try. 

The Doubts That Still Linger

Walls and hurdles must still be overcome though. There’s always going to be a reason not to start or to postpone. 

For one, it is easier to write a blog then speak it out. 

Not to mention, the fear of judgment over the way I look, the way I talk, and over my experiences and perspectives. What will friends, family and coworkers say? Will they understand? What if I fail?

Add to it, the lack of confidence in front of a camera because my awkwardness is bound to shine through. (This is where I need to speak life over myself.)

And the doubts… Is my ADHD brain just going out to sea again only to later jump ship? Do I have enough experience or topics to discuss? Am I interesting enough? What can I offer people that’s not already out there?

And of course the learning curve to create better photography and videography, to explore endless editing options, and how these platforms and tools work. 

Clarifying the Vision Behind the Calling

I realize that growth doesn’t happen in a day – spiritually, skill wise or on YouTube. I have to start somewhere. 

The starting point? Vision. 

It is to take people on our journey from city life to our dream farm and through our faith journey which is ever so interwoven. To encourage others to homestead and learn with us no matter where they are at and with what they have. To empower others to follow their dreams no matter how big those dreams may seem.

Stepping Forward Without Feeling Ready

So what do I hope to get out of this in 2026:

• A thicker skin so as not be phased by how others see or respond to me.  
• To see myself as God sees me and to step fully into that knowledge of His love for me.
• To move out of my awkwardness and towards confidence and growth.
• To see God move in it all.

Sometimes, you need to step out of the boat into the unknown. To reach out for His hand. To trust. And to see where He takes you.

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Check out our first YouTube video here!

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