Last week Friday, I was travelling home from work with city transit, when a situation occurred that left me shaking. When I first started using city transit, I was on a great bus route, knew the bus drivers well, and always felt comfortable. When I moved to a different area of the city, I was taken aback by my fellow riders. I’ve seen individuals in heartbreaking situations before 7am as well as pre-teens trying to act like the toughest people on the bus. Some situations are ignored, whereas sometimes police were called if the bus driver could not deal with it alone. For my safety, I always sit near other work commuters, put on my headphones and do not engage with anyone that makes me feel uncomfortable.

This is why Friday’s incident came as such as shock. Even as I write this, my hands are shaking. I was sitting nearby a couple work commuters, had my headphones on and was mindlessly scrolling on my phone. One individual was getting off the bus, took a couple steps past me, turned around, put his face about a foot distance from mine (I was looking down at my phone at this time) and cussed me out. The entire bus turned to look; he was so loud and it was so unexpected. He was in my personal space and didn’t back away. My fight or flight instinct didn’t kick in either. I simply froze with a shocked look on my face. After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds, a passenger sitting nearby just said “woah.” That was enough for him to stumble off the bus, still cussing me out. The nearby passenger then looked at me, told me not to listen to this guy. He turned around and the bus started to move again.

I struggled to comprehend what just happened, but also why everyone on the bus was able to sit there as if nothing had happened. I went through all the “what if” scenarios and what I should have done differently.

In both my personal and work life, I have dealt with tough or uncomfortable situations. I prefer a calm, cohesive life, but I understand that some situations are unavoidable. However, those situations usually are foreseeable or have a response time. This situation was so unexpected that it left me feeling alone, even though I wasn’t. Even while I was frozen, I was worried about it becoming physical. I couldn’t move. I am very grateful and thankful to God that he protected me.

How have I worked through this event? When I got home, I did a workout with many leg kicks and air punches. Getting this energy out of my body was freeing. When I was physically exhausted, I wanted to work through the mental healing. This is anything that brings me comfort. I listened to Christian worship, did some sewing, then some cross-stitch before completely reorganizing the laundry room. Christian worship always makes me feel at peace. Then I created my weekly task list and journalled about my future goals and the happy things in my life. I also had a good chat with a friend living overseas. By the end of Saturday, I was feeling better. Sunday morning, I went to church, and felt okay for majority of the day.

Sunday evening, it suddenly hit that I would be back on the bus again the next day and panic set in. It was close to midnight and I was dreading the next day. As I was lying in bed, I remembered a scripture that was discussed a couple months ago:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

I had used this scripture for a small stress in my life and it helped each time I would worry. I figured I would try it again. I said a prayer, passed my anxiety to God, and held onto the fact that he would be there for me. I was able to sleep until it was time to head to work.

How am I doing today? Better. I still go back to the scripture and simply tell God that I have to give him this stress and that I need his help. The bus to work was okay, I wasn’t too worried about it. After work, I scanned the bus the minute I got on, sat next to another work commuter. I was so lost in my thoughts about the journalled happy things in my life that I didn’t realize we had driven past the bus stop where the incident had occurred. It is an amazing feeling when I can give this burden to God and he will guide me through.

With grace and working back to calmness,

Hannah